Cara Ellison Broadband CEO Arrested

John Tice, CEO of Cara Ellison Broadband, was arrested this afternoon in Boston, Massachusetts after acting erratically in a bar. Witnesses say Mr. Tice entered the bar with an unknown female and began to accuse patrons of being FBI agents. Mr. Tice approached another female and screamed at her that she was “in on it”. The woman tried to push him away and her companion eventually struck Mr. Tice in the face. A brawl ensued, which spread onto the street.

Mr. Tice was taken by ambulance to Massachusetts General Hospital. He was treated for minor injuries then arrested.

It is not known why he was in Boston. Calls to Cara Ellison Corporation for comment were not returned.

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  1. Now this is indeed baffling, as numerous internet searches have given no result. I have tried searching for “John Tice, CEO of Cara Ellison Broadband,” and “Cara Ellison Broadband”. The only logical explanation is that the FBI agents that he imagined were actually CIA agents, and they are covering the whole thing up.

  2. Cara Ellison says:

    Mr. Tice likes to keep a low profile.

  3. Anonymous says:

    FBI agents almost certainly were following Tice. With the recent arrests and massive layoffs at Corporate, it would be prudent for Tice and all executives to behave as if they knew they were being watched for peculiar behavior. The Task Force will use this incident against Tice but if he is arrested and convicted in relation to crimes at Ellison, he will have a good argument for being accepted into the RDAP program which will cut his time significantly.

  4. The Tyrell Corporation must be involved.

  5. Cara Ellison says:


    That’s a good point about the RDAP program. I wonder who the unknown female was? I hope there is not a sex scandal brewing in Broadband. On top of everything else, that is the last thing Cara Ellison Corp. needs.


    It’s all Cara Ellison Corp. all of the time. See here.

  6. All joking aside, I still can’t figure out if this is a real company or not. Very avant garde, cutting edge humor. This blog definitely blurs the line between the surreal and the real.

  7. Cara Ellison says:

    Well, thanks (I think). To distribute even more confusion, here are the Cara Ellison Corp. stories from the past year.

    The company is going through a very difficult time right now. You can google “Cara Ellison Corp.” and see for yourself. It’s just madness.

  8. If I was someone who knew and worked with John, I would have already told him to stay out of Boston, and to ease up a bit on the pharmaceuticals. That’s what I would have done, if I knew him. But he didn’t listen.

  9. Cara Ellison says:

    You know how he is. He can be hotheaded. “Passionate” is the word his friends use. “Douchebag” is the ugly word that those less generous people might use.

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