SOTU Predictions

“Let me be clear” will be uttered at least a dozen times.

The word “I” will be uttered more than 100 times.

The camera will lovingly fawn over Michelle Obama’s arms.

The word “win” or “victory” will not be uttered at all.

“Terrorist” will not be said at all.

Obama will take credit for “saving the economy” more than ten times.

Obama will introduce a second stimulus.

Obama will refer “the past eight years” at least twice.

Obama will reference the win in Massachusetts but will not speak Scott Brown’s name – and he will completely miss the point of the win.

Obama will mention Haiti as an example of America’s generosity.

Obama will mention “sacrifice” at least twice.

Obama will vilify the banks.

Obama will mention “health care reform”.

And I will need a drink.

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  1. I couldn’t even bring mysef to watch it. I’m so sick, literally sick of him. My Dr. told me to ignore the news for a while.

    I have no doubt you were dead on with your predictions though.

  2. I didn’t watch it either… but the folks at Wizbang offered a drinking game, a bit like your post….

    (I’d be comatose by now with acute alcohol poisoning, I am sure, had I played the game.)

  3. Cara Ellison says:

    Cranky, I’m with you; death or coma would have resulted in playing the drinking game.

    I’m so sick of Obama – my head wants to explode even now, many hours later.

    His criticism of the Supreme Court was absolutely gauche. That’s never been done before – and I cringed when I heard him say it.

  4. David MacKenzie says:

    Why are all of these people laughing?

  5. Cara Ellison says:

    Wow, that is awkward.

  6. I didn’t see it live, but this transcript sums it up…

    I want to tell you how great I’m doing in my first year. I am proud of what I have done so far. Let me be clear, I am the one in charge. I am responsible for all the good things that happen. I have single-handedly, in a Herculean effort, saved the economy from certain disaster. If not for me, your lives would be in ruins. Let me be clear, I alone have lead this country out of the dark days of the past eight years.

    I have prevented man made disasters. Did I mention that I saved the economy? Let me be clear, the banks have tried to destroy this country. I had the courage to stop them just in time. In my superior judgment, I’ve determined that I must introduce a second stimulus; just to make sure I’ve put enough blame on the evil banks and remind you all how I alone have saved the economy.

    Now let me be clear, the past eight years were the darkest in our history. We had man made disasters that I could have prevented. Additionally, the recent tragedy in Haiti reminds us how evil the previous administration actually was. I have made certain that Americans will be generous in their aide to Haiti by requiring yet more sacrifice by the common people. I will not allow these disasters to continue.

    I am concerned that the people of Massachusetts were so distraught over the loss of their Lion, that his seat was mistakenly given to an outsider. However, I will make sure that Ted’s dying wish for Health Care Reform will become reality. Let me be clear on this; each and every one of you will need to sacrifice to make this happen. I will lead the charge for this revolutionary change. Much like I saved the economy, I will save health care.

    Now my wife Michelle, she has incredible arms doesn’t she? I designed her work out to build those arms. I dedicated the same determination to saving the economy as I did building up her arms. She has sacrificed to get those incredible arms. I know that you will sacrifice as well, for the good of my country.

    So let me be clear on this; in the past year I have saved the economy and I’ve prevented man made disasters. I have stopped natural disasters from attacking our country. I have personally brought the banks and their criminal ways to their knees.

  7. Cara Ellison says:

    Brava! That’s so excellent. Seriously – you knocked it outta the park.

  8. Hehe, I’m especially proud of the “single-handedly, in a Herculean effort…” :)

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